Upon retiring in 2010, Journalist Ellen Goodman wrote: “There is a trick to a graceful exit. It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, or a relationship is over – and to let go.” There is a time to let go of a family home too. It’s often not as graceful an exit as family members may have hoped for. The multiple steps involved seem never ending to those involved in the process. First coming to an agreement that it’s time to let go; creating a timetable that works for everyone; and the actual getting rid of stuff – lots of stuff. Do we sell it; do we give it away; does anyone in the family want it; do we throw it out? Where can we take this stuff?! How do we begin? Where do we begin? It’s a challenging and difficult task for everyone, but especially those who are sentimental and appreciate the memories that are embedded in the possessions.
Janet Hetzer and Janet Hulstrand’s book, “Moving On, A Practical Guide To Downsizing The Family Home” they learned that there are two kinds of people when it comes to cleaning out a house. There are “the throwers” who relish the experience of clearing out and moving on and who will empty a house quickly and efficiently. And, there are “the keepers” who are compelled to linger over the process and preserve special things and special memories. Unfortunately “the keepers” and “the throwers” are oftentimes married to each other so trying to work together in harmony can be a challenge.
The Pros and Cons: “Throwers” get the job done. They can let go of things easily and have the ability to separate the object from the memory. They don’t get bogged down in emotions or memories. They work quickly and may miss out on both good things and interesting experiences. They may also miss hidden money or valuables; they may miss fascinating entries in a diary or perusing an old trunk with their own baby clothes. “The keepers” are compelled to hang onto things and memories and linger over the process. They are historians. They preserve things so the rest of us can appreciate what makes the family unique and understand our history. They also take too long to get it done – it’s never really done. They savor every item and get caught up in emotions sometimes to the point of agonizing over whether to keep, toss, or donate.
Which is better? Both types of people are needed to get the job done. It takes a combination of these attributes to successfully downsize the family home. If you find your family lacks “keepers” or “throwers” you can hire a Senior Move Manager to help get the job done quickly, efficiently and without sacrificing loss of memories and history. Downsizing, as the ladies say in their book, is coming “to the realization that the most valuable thing in the house is the life that has been lived there”. That is what I call a graceful exit.
Dee Mele, SMM – Home Again Transitions